The Anti-Family Culture

Motherhood seems to be having an anti-moment in popular culture this holiday season.  I was struck by this sentiment expressed by Jessica Hausner, director of a new woman-centric horror movie, in last Thursday's Wall Street Journal: "We're still living in a society where we all expect a mother to love her child, more than her job....  I think this needs to be adjusted."

My first thought was, "Yes, of course a mother should love her child more than her job.  How awful to think she might not."

My second thought was, "Why does gender come into this at all?  Don't we also expect a father to love his child more than his job?  If not, why all the furor that's been expended over workaholism, deadbeat dads, various Fatherhood movements?"

My third thought was, "Wait, this sounds familiar...."  Because I had just read a review of another current movie, starring two of the hottest stars in Hollywood, that claimed the movie expressed the same argument: "...the only way “equality” can work is if both parents can pursue their respective career ambitions, no matter the fallout."  

And I had also just read a review of an Emmy-winning TV show, in which the main character tearfully proclaims in divorce court, "I just can't be a wife right now."

In both movie and television show, a married couple with small child(ren) amicably divorce so that the woman can pursue her career.  Which I guess can be seen as believable in the short term, if you're a (checks fictional characters in question) research geneticist, actress/director, or stand-up comedian.  But that's definitely the 1% of women.  What if, instead, you're the nanny, school teacher, or day care worker whose job is to care for the children the 1% are too important and self-actualized to care for?  Are you then supposed to love your job (rich people's children) more than your own children?  

Or, at some point, somewhere far enough down the socio-economic ladder, is it okay for a woman to enjoy her family more than her job?  Or, for that matter, a man?

On the international beat

 A couple of items that grabbed my attention in the news today:

• For those who say one man can't make a difference, "since [Pablo] Esobar's death [in 1993], the homicide rate in Medellin has dropped 90 percent." Source: World Magazine April 27, "Mountain Movers"
• Following the Easter bombings, "[t]he Archbishop of Colomba, Cardinal Malcolm Ranjith, called on Sri Lanka's government to 'mercilessly' punish those responsible 'because only animals can behave like that.'"  Undoubtedly echoing Christ's words on the cross, "Father, mercilessly punish them because only animals can behave like that."  While making allowances for the heat of the moment, I can only hope that he's going to look back on that statement someday and cringe. Source: AP

Book review: The King of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner

The twenty-second book I read in 2019 was The King of Attolia, the third book in Megan Whalen Turner's Queen's Thief series.  One sometimes hears it said of a book that the reader "couldn't put it down."  That is very nearly literally true of this book.  I began reading it last night, picked it up again this morning, and had to force myself to put it down long enough to go the grocery store and various other things I had to get done today.  I just wanted to keep reading and find out what happens!

By this point in the series, I have learned enough to trust that Eugenides has a plan and is on top of things, no matter what my appear to be happening around him, but it's still exhilarating simply to find out exactly how far ahead of the game he is and how he is going to triumph.

Book review: I'll Be There for You by Kelsey Miller

The eighteenth book I read in 2019 was I'll Be There for You: The One about Friends by Kelsey Miller.  The book is, as advertised, a look back at the hit TV show. 

Parts of it were fun, like information about the auditions and who might have gotten the iconic roles.  (At one point, it was conceivable it could have been a Facts of Life reunion, with Jo as Monica and Blair as Rachel.)  Unfortunately, after the first season or two, Miller stops mentioning specific episodes and moments and breezes over most of the on-screen product to focus on contract negotiations, which, yeah, I was there, and I know it was a big deal that the cast's solidarity wrung concessions from a network used to pitting actors against one another, but it's really not that interesting to revisit every time the actors demand a raise.

More frustrating, the author spends an inordinate number of chapters criticizing the twenty-five-year-old show for not being "woke" enough for modern sensibilities.  SHUT UP, Millennials; go stab each other in the back for thoughtcrime and leave GenX alone. 

Book review: Outer Order, Inner Calm by Gretchen Rubin

The seventeenth book I read in 2019 was Outer Order, Inner Calm: Declutter and Organize to Make More Room for Happiness by Gretchen Rubin.  This book has the same chunky size as Marie Kondo's books but less content, larger print, and more white space.  It's less instructional and more aspirational, a sort of decluttering devotional with bite-sized chunks of advice and inspiration.

Some of Rubin's aphorisms are remarkably catchy.  I find myself wishing for Joanna-Gaines-style wall-art of a few of them, a visual reminder that's certainly more practical than a big cursive "EAT" in the kitchen. 

There's very little how-to in this book, but I don't hold that against it.  If you want a step-by-step plan, there's KonMari or Joshua Becker.  Rubin is more of a life coach, reminding you why you're doing what you're doing.  On the other hand, her three questions: "Do I use it?  Do I need it?  Do I love it?" inarguably offer more practical advice than Marie Kondo's "Does it spark joy?"  I seriously doubt brooms and toilet plungers spark joy in anyone, but you shouldn't throw them out either.

Book review: Why Children Matter by Douglas Wilson

The sixteenth book I read in 2019 was Why Children Matter by Douglas Wilson.  This book is poorly titled; you wouldn't necessarily guess from the cover that it is a book on parenting.

There is little that is groundbreaking in this book, but Wilson's writing style is engaging and appealing.  He writes from a counterculturally Christian perspective, in which the burden is not on the child to obey but on the parent to imitate Christ and so, like Paul, provide a model for the child to imitate.  His message boils down to, "Love God, love what you are doing, and love the people God gave you to do it with."

New Year neologism

The lead headline in today's Dallas Morning News was Southwest Airlines' CEO Herb Kelleher's obituary.  The first sentence is, "Herb Kelleher moved to Texas in 1962 with plans for a career in law."  Only I read it as "career-in-law," then wondered, what's a career-in-law?  I had time to decide it was when someone like Harry Bailey marries into a family business before I noticed there were no hyphens and it meant he was a lawyer.